I always question myself, what are the values of having me on the team? What can I bring to the team that others probably cannot? If I were to leave this environment, would people remember me etc…
To be honest, I don’t know. My attention to details? This is a ‘value’ to describe me in all my cover letters. However, sometimes I feel that because of this attention to details, I am trapped in a lot of negative thoughts. Because I believe that all actions have an antecedent to it. Therefore, when I see something weird with my clients, I would go on to this negative thinking mode where everything is wrong. I cannot see the strength in people’s environment.
The other day I was talking to my dad, I was saying that how this job made me cherish different things in life and made me recognise how privileged I was as a child. Despite the ongoing difficulties in my family’s life, my parents soar through without laying a single stress on my shoulders. But he reminded me how I was when I was younger. The younger me always complains about how privileged my friends are. And now, I am the one noticing how my life is much more privileged than my clients’.
Now I am able to say, the value I can bring to the team is that because of my attention to details, I am able to see through my experience of working with a diverse range of people, understanding the needs of different levels of our society. I hope that one day this could be fully applied to my work.
My partner and I went to watch Mamma Mia at the City Theatre yesterday. The moment Sophie sang “I had a dream…” My tears were hanging there. There are several meanings to me.
Firstly, watching a Broadway show reminds me of my family. I remember how our family would attend Broadway shows in UK and USA, where my parents would stand up, sing and dance to the music. I miss them, and I do miss spending time with them. Being abroad, away from home is always tough. It’s like you are unable to share your growth and happiness with them. But this makes me cherish our time together even more.
The other reason for the tears is… What happened to my dream? What is my dream? I read something about quarter-life crisis lately. I think I am going through it. It appeared that I am trapped in this vicious cycle of questioning my existence and the purpose of my life.
Working in the community sector, you see the darker side of the city. The side which not everyone would be able to see. At the end of the show, the crew advocated for the campaign of ‘violence against women’. They noted that the average age of a kid who is suffering from domestic violence is 2.5 years old. My heart is broken in pieces (not that it hasn’t already been broken). Looking at people who are privileged to watch the Mamma Mia show, and thinking that children might be exposed to domestic violence at any second during this show is painful to think.
Some might say that there are only so much we could do in our work to help these children, and I should take care of myself better to make sure that if I can continue my work in the sector. But it is a difficult time when you first begin the job. You have a whole world of compassion, but you only have very limited power.
My colleague once said that I am a very privileged person, which I think I do, and that it might be tougher for me to get my head around the daily issues I face at work, which is true as well. I only hope that the work I am doing is meaningful and helpful to different populations of my city. This is my current goal. To master my job and to help the little ones in our society. Although I cannot help to challenge myself from time to time about what my dream really is, the only thing I can do is to think about it less, and hope that it doesn’t interfere my mental health as much as possible.
I was reading this article today…
[Racism is real, race is not]
This article noted how race is a social a social construct. “The category of the “racialised group” can be of great value, politically. It offers a way for those who have historically been treated as members of “inferior races” to assert and defend themselves collectively, while distancing themselves from the negative and misleading associations of the term “race”. “Race” is not needed for purposes of social justice.”
This made me think of some of the research I was doing… I was triggered by the word “inclusion”. In our public education system, we often discuss how we should be “inclusive” of every child. As they are all entitled the right to access education. However, in order for “inclusive education”, one must first be excluded. This resonates to the above point… For political purposes, some groups are deemed to be “inferior”. Just like our education system. There are different groups of students. Some are privileged to access education, others need to fight or advocate to access to education.
This is just a thought… But a thought that’s worth our time to explore further.
“Carry out a random act of kindness, with no expectation of reward, safe in the knowledge that one day someone might do the same for you.” Princess Diana
This week has been pretty hectic at work. There is not much time to reflect on the little things happen in my day to day life. This morning I decided to walk to the local cafe. While reading the book: Doin’ Time by Rachel Porter, I was able to slowly reflect my practice at work and whether I have been striving hard to become the person I wanted to be.
At work, we are bounded by many rules and boundaries, but within our work, there is always time to execute a random act of kindness. I believe that the reason for someone not to do it is because s/he believed that it might not be witnessed and acknowledged by someone else. However, you got to ask yourself whether you are doing this so that people can evaluate you or are you doing this because you actually want to do it.
“Life is unpredictable and you never know what is coming next. Don’t ever get too comfortable. Always be ready for changes.”
This week has been a bit hectic…
When I thought I wouldn’t get sick, my partner got sick, which I was affected slightly.
When I thought that my car is perfectly fine, the battery went flat twice this week.
When I thought that work is stable, someone decides to not cooperate.
When I thought I have sent my completed job application, I forgot to attach my resume.
Besides life’s unpredictability. I want to write down my greatest problem. My goal has always been seeking the next comfort zone to reach. But after I entered a comfort zone and if the next comfort zone is not easily reachable… I tend to let loose. This is not good. I am not ready for changes. Especially changes in my habit. When we are younger, we were taught to delay our gratification, we often have to work hard to reach a reward for ourselves. But as we grow older and more independence was given to us, it is also easier for us to be distracted and seek for other gratifications.
Self-discipline has never been so difficult when you became an adult. It takes extra effort to remain goal-oriented and delay our gratification even longer.
It has been my 7th year away from my parents, my home back in Asia. I have to say, things aren’t easy when you are away from home. No matter how independent I can be, the fact that I am away from my parents, it makes me incomplete.
The other day, my Mother texted me saying “I used our family photo taken during the cruise as my wallpaper and whenever I looked at it, I feel happy. [Following is translated] The biggest satisfaction being a mother is to bring happiness and joyfulness to my brother and I.” I am not sure how many people can relate to this, but I am sure that all parents in the world want the best for their child – my Mother certainly does. She has always worked the hardest to make sure we don’t have to worry about anything. No matter how much she thinks she doesn’t live up the “traditional” mother stereotype, she is the best.
I have always trying to be the perfect son for my parents, hoping that they don’t have to worry about me (at least) when I am away from home. At the moment, I just hope that I can continue what I am building abroad and, hopefully, one day, we can share the achievement. And lastly, be re-united in one city/country!
When I was young, birthday has always, ALWAYS, been a HUGE thing. I would hope that everyone knows it and I hope that everyone will remember it. Usually, on my previous birthdays, I would literally take a day off just to relax and “celebrate”.
Upon my birthday last week, I realised I didn’t even know time flies so fast that it’s already my birthday! So it was too late to take any leave and a little too late to celebrate it like a youngster.
All I hoped was that my closest and dearest friends would just leave a message to me, and that way, I can slowly filter who’s important in my life.
I used to think sayings like “you don’t have time for everyone” is wrong. But now that I’m fully occupying myself with work and study, I do understand that it could happen.
This year, as usual, I am very graceful for my family and closest friends to be around me. There’s nothing better than having these people in your life. I would say I have never cherish them enough. My dream would be able to celebrate my birthday with my family around. It’s always a pity that a family cannot stay together within the same city. And I guess this does makes me cherish them more than ever.
Anyways, happy birthday to myself. It’s been a pleasure to be with you for the past 25 years. Let’s work hard together!